I have been in this raft for six months now. My family is with me, and we are in the middle of the ocean. The supplies ran out about a month ago. And I am lost. For five solid months I have been paddling like a mad man! Eyes glued to the horizon, desperate for a sign of land, or for another ship to come by.
God put me in this raft. Six months ago He sunk the ship I was on (told me he would) and put my family into this dinky little boat. Things were ok at first, we had supplies and we had time to take some precious possessions, and I thought... "Ok, well, God put us here, won't be long now and another ship will sail by." So eyes glued to the horizon I calmly started rowing a little, a few pushes here, a few strokes there, we're ok, we have all we need. Any second now I will see something and we can head towards it. A week goes by, still calm, even trying to enjoy this adventure a little. A month goes by, now getting nervous, paddling a little more, singing hymns and songs of praise to keep up spirits, because mine is the one in need of lifting.
After two months of this I am now paddling like crazy. I have had a lot to say to God, and He has had a lot to say back. He's telling me crazy stuff like, "Stop rowing," "I have you, I have your family." But I don't see any hope in sight! The supplies are running low and we are taking on water, and I see storm clouds in the distance! To Hell with, "Stop rowing," we need land! I am rowing to every speck on the horizon, praying that it be a ship, or land, or anything! I have paddled north, south, east and west, probably making a big circle, but I am relentless! I will save my family!
My family... God bless them, they are watching me struggle, and strive and try so hard to save us. They know God put us here too. My wife tries to calm me, It's ok," she says, "God has us, He has to do something, He didn't bring us out here to die!" But I see the strain in her eyes, hear her fear, see how hard this has been on her. So I will paddle harder, I will work this out! Beth sees all the luggage in the boat, sees how some of it is tearing holes, letting in the ocean. Me, I just see the horizon, the empty horizon, and those dark clouds. She gets to work, trying to throw off some of the weight, and keep the water from coming in... should she? I don't know... I don't know anything anymore.
Me, I just keep on pushing. It's now four months of this madness. Supplies are down to scraps, Beth is bravely bailing water, and my heart is broken! "WHERE ARE YOU GOD?!" I scream, shaking my paddle at the sky! "Why have to put us here!?" He answers, "Don't you trust Me?" "I want this for you." "Can't you trust Me?" He tells me hundreds of things, "I am the calmer of the storm, ride with me!" He says. "I can bring you all the supplies you need, but I will bring them in my time and my way." "You will walk on air, you will walk on water." "for I know the plans I have for you." He's showing me signs and miracles! He is displaying His power over and over again... but it's not land, it's not a boat. We are still here.
I hang my head in shame. "I don't trust you," I say. The supplies are gone now, were at the end of ourselves. Six months of an ever increasing God and an ever diminishing world. "I trusted in my own strength," I realize. And now I don't know what to do! Every now and then I catch a glimpse of something on the horizon, I lift my oar, but with resignation realize there was nothing there, and don't even bother to paddle. My heart is broken, because I know I would have rather been a slave on that ship, then in this place of frantic desperation. I know how much that must hurt my God to know. I see my wife still bailing, trying hard to encourage me to do the right thing. I see her looking at the horizon too.
What must I do! How do I sit! Wait! TRUST! When all I relied upon is gone!? When all I knew to be true has been stripped away! When all I held onto has been replaced by a God I do not understand. I grip my oar, determined to NOT paddle unless you tell me too.
Tonight You tell me to throw my oar into the ocean.
...
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Sunday, October 10, 2010
It's not the beginning, but its a start...
I am standing in a basement, about forty or so people sitting or standing in every open corner and space, excitedly talking in whispers and the occasional outburst. When after a brief welcome and biography the person we had all come to hear enters the room. Dressed all in black with a flowing red scarf she takes center stage in the room, and quickly leaps into a story of a demon possessed child. Already I am both skeptical and concerned, (concerned because a few weeks prior I had gone threw a eyeopening battle with the devil, skeptical because I am still, as I write this, trying to retreat to the "normal" christian life that sits quietly in pews, fingers in ears, hands over eyes, ignoring the truths of the world around us!) and afraid of what in the world I had been invited to this night in this basement. The woman speaking reminds me of a combination Joan Rivers, (without the scary plastic surgery) Emeril Lagasse and Benny Hinn. As she haphazardly retells the story of the demon possessed child, she then in a loud and hoarse voice announces to the room, "Well I just told that Devil... BAM!" And she kicks the air like Chuck Norris would kick a bad guy in Walker, Texas Ranger, "And Satan left that child that very second."
At this point Jake wants to tune out. Obviously this woman is crazy! And the people gathered tonight, sitting on the edge of their seats... Well they are either nuts too, or they are as confused as I am, wondering what they are doing here.
The evening continues on, the woman tells a lot of stories of freeing people from evil, and gives a very moving testimony. Throughout the night she is throwing out Scripture verses like a machine gun. I figure... "Some of these quotes have got to be wrong." So I start "fact checking" her to prove the charade this evening is. And I can say that woman used about twenty or so verses that night if not more and she NAILED each one. Ok so she knows the word, that does not mean this is legit! Right? All honor was given to God, in fact the woman referred to herself as, "the donkey that Jesus rides in on" which I thought was awesome, but could that mean that she was really giving all honor to God?
During the evening she would be inspired to speak "prophesy" over people in the audience, telling them something about themselves or that God wanted them to know. A friend of mine was standing next to me and he leaned in to me and said, "Watch out, she's coming after you next!" And I can honestly say, a huge part of me was scared that she would come to me, and another part was really excited about the prospect! What would she say, would it be true?
After the teaching and stories were done the "prayer" meeting started. A very simple worship song was put on, and most of the people in the crowed got whipped up into a absolute fervor.
I have never been in agreement with speaking in tongues. I have seen a lot of it in my years of ministry, even have a few friends who pray in tongues, and have educated me to their prayer language. I'm ok with others doing it, but its out of my comfort zone...
Total side note here but I guess the whole reason for my writing this is because over the last five months or so God has been forcibly pushing me out of my comfort zone.
Well the whole room starts speaking in tongues! Chattering and gibbering, and rocking back and forth... a few people were not, but we were the outsiders, the observers of this evening. Now the Benny Hinn comes into play. People come forward for healing. The woman belts forth some prayer in tongues then slams her hand on the recipients forehead and says either, "BAM" or, "Shalum" (shouting in tongues) in one case she actually roared in a woman's ear. Once the hand hit the head, the person prayed for hit the floor! I kid you not! Right to the floor. It was like something out of a movie! And once prayed for the recipient laid on the floor like the dead for a long time.
Like a bad car accident, or a burning building, I had been watching this evening unfold with a combination horror, interest and out and out disbelief. It was time for me to go. I had seen enough and didn't know what to think about what I had seen. This woman truly knew the scriptures, she certainly loved Jesus and she gave all glory to God, but this is NOT Christianity.... Right? This isn't the way good Christians behave?!
THE HEART OF THIS BLOG
Why is healing a joke among us Christians? Why is it that the majority of Christians today don't believe in the Devil or demonic forces? Why is it that events like this prayer meeting make Christians run in fear, laugh in derision, and deny that God can do ANYTHING! PEOPLE have you read the Bible! It all reminds me of the Casting Crowns song... "If we are the body."
"But if we are the Body
Why aren't His arms reaching
Why aren't His hands healing
Why aren't His words teaching
And if we are the Body
Why aren't His feet going
Why is His love not showing them there is a way
There is a way"
My confession is that a few months ago, I would have chalked this experience up to the crazy side of Christianity, if it was Christianity at all! BUT I have had some really wild experiences over the last few months. Moments where God has audibly spoken. Experiences where God has told me to do something crazy and I did it, and He showed me how awesome He is! (those stories will come soon!) And yes I have even experienced healing! I have always been sick, my whole life, and by the power and authority of God I have been healed! Another story for another Post. Because of these experiences, I couldn't just laugh off that evening in the basement. I can't laugh or mock anything done where all honor is being given to God and where the truth of God's word is accurately being used.
I left the basement that night very bewildered, and with a thought in my mind. If God wanted to say something to me, then He would have to chase me, I wasn't sticking around to get cornered into this thing. So I left, not expecting God to give any validation to the events of the night.
I was in the driveway telling God how I felt about the evening. A couple who had been at the event came up behind me. I knew them fairly well, pillars of the christian community in this town. Frankly, I was shocked to see them there. I just casually mentioned my incredulity at the events of the evening, and that was the moment, there in the driveway where God chose to chase me down.
This lovely couple began explaining some of the night, but more they started discussing what I believed and speaking to some of the events I had been going through over the past few months. We had a prayer meeting there on the street outside of the house where wild Christianity was taking place in a basement. The prayer they prayed for me was divine. It was God speaking over me, it was so much of what I needed to hear in reference to my life and my experiences. And while I didn't hit the ground, I felt like I had been floored by what God was saying to me. And more then that, He HAD chased me! He wouldn't let me leave that basement, He chased me to the driveway and there He told me what I needed to hear.
I have always viewed this stuff as "weird Christianity" and have been joking with Beth for a while now that we are becoming those weird Christians. When I experienced healing, when I had to battle with the Devil, and when I stared taking wild leaps of faith (much to the shock and horror of many of my friends) I started down a journey into what real Christianity is about. Even the reason for writing this Blog (something I never wanted to do) is because a good friend moved by the Holy Spirit within him told me that this is what God would have me do with my time right now. I am doing this at a directive of a very real, very involved and very wonderful God.
Christianity has become a Religion. It is not a religion, it is a relationship! I have been a full time youth minister for nine years, and only a few months ago did I start to grasp how real our God is, how intimately involved in our lives He is. And most importantly the rich, adventuresome, and wild life He has in store for all of us!
My name is Jake Beveridge, and I have been pushed forcibly into a wild, unexpected, and weird relationship with the most awesome God.
At this point Jake wants to tune out. Obviously this woman is crazy! And the people gathered tonight, sitting on the edge of their seats... Well they are either nuts too, or they are as confused as I am, wondering what they are doing here.
The evening continues on, the woman tells a lot of stories of freeing people from evil, and gives a very moving testimony. Throughout the night she is throwing out Scripture verses like a machine gun. I figure... "Some of these quotes have got to be wrong." So I start "fact checking" her to prove the charade this evening is. And I can say that woman used about twenty or so verses that night if not more and she NAILED each one. Ok so she knows the word, that does not mean this is legit! Right? All honor was given to God, in fact the woman referred to herself as, "the donkey that Jesus rides in on" which I thought was awesome, but could that mean that she was really giving all honor to God?
During the evening she would be inspired to speak "prophesy" over people in the audience, telling them something about themselves or that God wanted them to know. A friend of mine was standing next to me and he leaned in to me and said, "Watch out, she's coming after you next!" And I can honestly say, a huge part of me was scared that she would come to me, and another part was really excited about the prospect! What would she say, would it be true?
After the teaching and stories were done the "prayer" meeting started. A very simple worship song was put on, and most of the people in the crowed got whipped up into a absolute fervor.
I have never been in agreement with speaking in tongues. I have seen a lot of it in my years of ministry, even have a few friends who pray in tongues, and have educated me to their prayer language. I'm ok with others doing it, but its out of my comfort zone...
Total side note here but I guess the whole reason for my writing this is because over the last five months or so God has been forcibly pushing me out of my comfort zone.
Well the whole room starts speaking in tongues! Chattering and gibbering, and rocking back and forth... a few people were not, but we were the outsiders, the observers of this evening. Now the Benny Hinn comes into play. People come forward for healing. The woman belts forth some prayer in tongues then slams her hand on the recipients forehead and says either, "BAM" or, "Shalum" (shouting in tongues) in one case she actually roared in a woman's ear. Once the hand hit the head, the person prayed for hit the floor! I kid you not! Right to the floor. It was like something out of a movie! And once prayed for the recipient laid on the floor like the dead for a long time.
Like a bad car accident, or a burning building, I had been watching this evening unfold with a combination horror, interest and out and out disbelief. It was time for me to go. I had seen enough and didn't know what to think about what I had seen. This woman truly knew the scriptures, she certainly loved Jesus and she gave all glory to God, but this is NOT Christianity.... Right? This isn't the way good Christians behave?!
THE HEART OF THIS BLOG
Why is healing a joke among us Christians? Why is it that the majority of Christians today don't believe in the Devil or demonic forces? Why is it that events like this prayer meeting make Christians run in fear, laugh in derision, and deny that God can do ANYTHING! PEOPLE have you read the Bible! It all reminds me of the Casting Crowns song... "If we are the body."
"But if we are the Body
Why aren't His arms reaching
Why aren't His hands healing
Why aren't His words teaching
And if we are the Body
Why aren't His feet going
Why is His love not showing them there is a way
There is a way"
My confession is that a few months ago, I would have chalked this experience up to the crazy side of Christianity, if it was Christianity at all! BUT I have had some really wild experiences over the last few months. Moments where God has audibly spoken. Experiences where God has told me to do something crazy and I did it, and He showed me how awesome He is! (those stories will come soon!) And yes I have even experienced healing! I have always been sick, my whole life, and by the power and authority of God I have been healed! Another story for another Post. Because of these experiences, I couldn't just laugh off that evening in the basement. I can't laugh or mock anything done where all honor is being given to God and where the truth of God's word is accurately being used.
I left the basement that night very bewildered, and with a thought in my mind. If God wanted to say something to me, then He would have to chase me, I wasn't sticking around to get cornered into this thing. So I left, not expecting God to give any validation to the events of the night.
I was in the driveway telling God how I felt about the evening. A couple who had been at the event came up behind me. I knew them fairly well, pillars of the christian community in this town. Frankly, I was shocked to see them there. I just casually mentioned my incredulity at the events of the evening, and that was the moment, there in the driveway where God chose to chase me down.
This lovely couple began explaining some of the night, but more they started discussing what I believed and speaking to some of the events I had been going through over the past few months. We had a prayer meeting there on the street outside of the house where wild Christianity was taking place in a basement. The prayer they prayed for me was divine. It was God speaking over me, it was so much of what I needed to hear in reference to my life and my experiences. And while I didn't hit the ground, I felt like I had been floored by what God was saying to me. And more then that, He HAD chased me! He wouldn't let me leave that basement, He chased me to the driveway and there He told me what I needed to hear.
I have always viewed this stuff as "weird Christianity" and have been joking with Beth for a while now that we are becoming those weird Christians. When I experienced healing, when I had to battle with the Devil, and when I stared taking wild leaps of faith (much to the shock and horror of many of my friends) I started down a journey into what real Christianity is about. Even the reason for writing this Blog (something I never wanted to do) is because a good friend moved by the Holy Spirit within him told me that this is what God would have me do with my time right now. I am doing this at a directive of a very real, very involved and very wonderful God.
Christianity has become a Religion. It is not a religion, it is a relationship! I have been a full time youth minister for nine years, and only a few months ago did I start to grasp how real our God is, how intimately involved in our lives He is. And most importantly the rich, adventuresome, and wild life He has in store for all of us!
My name is Jake Beveridge, and I have been pushed forcibly into a wild, unexpected, and weird relationship with the most awesome God.
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